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You got a sous vide machine and suddenly you're posting three-hour eggs on Instagram, calling yourself a "home chef," and explaining water circulation to everyone at dinner parties. It's not cooking, it's just hot water with a WiFi connection.

Today at lunch, I accidentally used my coworker's identical lunch container from the break room fridge. I was halfway through eating when she walked in, staring at me in confusion. I tried explaining, but my mouth was full of her homemade curry.

Hey man, check this out, it's like when Bruce Willis in Die Hard, you know, getting all sweaty in the building, but then you got these chakra points hitting like baseball statistics. It's crazy man, like when you're working out but your energy's all connected to the moon phases, right?

Three AM and I'm still awake, thinking about your window light. Shouldn't be walking past your street again. These midnight thoughts keep coming back. Wonder if you ever notice me watching, waiting. Maybe tomorrow I'll actually say hello.

Three AM and I'm still thinking about yesterday. Saw your shadow through the window, pretending it was meant for me. These late nights keep getting longer, and my dreams are full of moments we never shared. Maybe tomorrow will be different.

BREAKING Arsenal fans won't believe what happened Arteta STORMS out of press conference after reporter asks about Saka's injury shocking footage shows players reaction in training ground Sources say 80 million signing could leave club fans are going CRAZY on social media.

hi princess. how are you doing?

You got a smart watch and now you're possessed, tracking every step like it's gold, celebrating when you hit 10,000 steps by walking circles in your living room at midnight, calling it "wellness" while ignoring that you're literally pacing like a crazy person.