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Alright folks, it's time for our favorite segment where we test Shaq's knowledge of NBA statistics. Last week he got three out of five right, which honestly surprised all of us. Let's see if he's been paying attention this time around.

My dear friends, as we reflect on today's Gospel reading, let's pause and consider what Jesus is telling us about love. You know, when we look at the beatitudes, we're not just reading rules, we're discovering how God invites us into relationship with Him.

Listen, when it comes to raising kids, it's not even close to equal, it's 90,10. The woman does 90 because she knows everything - the doctor appointments, the school stuff, the friend's names, everything. The man just shows up and plays with them, that's his 10 right there.

Listen man, you talking bout practice? One, two, three times I told you, ain't nobody doing it like that no more. You want numbers? I got numbers. Don't come at me with that weak stuff, know what I'm saying? That's what I'm talking about.

Listen closely, dear friends, for the stars whisper secrets of power! When opportunity knocks, don't just answer - break down the door! Weather the storm or become it, that's what I always say. Trust in the chaos, and let your ambitions soar higher, ever higher!

Look, I understand you're upset about the Johnson case, but taking it to the managing partner isn't going to solve anything. And since we're obviously having communication issues, I've scheduled us for another session with Dr. Lichitz on Thursday. You'll find the details in your calendar.

You know what? At this point in my life, I've learned that pain shapes you. I've made mistakes, lost people I cared about, but that's who I am now. If you can't handle my truth, my reality, then maybe you're not meant to be in my story.

Really on you now, god damnn animals, really testing me now. Coming at me like that, you god damnn animals. Really pushing it now, really gonna regret that, you god damnn animals.