مولد الصوت AI Louis CK بواسطة Fish Audio

You know what's crazy? Everybody got a phone now recording everything. Back in my day, you could just be stupid in peace. Now you do something dumb, it's on Instagram before you even finish being dumb. That's why everybody's so stressed out.

Listen, I'm gonna tell you what happened yesterday. I'm in the kitchen, right? My wife asks me to take out the trash. I'm like "Yeah baby, I got you." Two hours later, I'm watching TV, trash still there. She walks in mad as hell. I acted surprised like "Oh snap, was that today?"

You know what's crazy? I did about 27, maybe 28 shows last month, and let me tell you something - between the flights, the hotels, and trying to get my suits pressed right, it's like running a whole operation just to tell some jokes.

So Elon Musk just bought Antarctica for 400 trillion dollars. I mean, where does he get these numbers from? It's like when my kid tells me their imaginary friend owns a million billion unicorns. At least the penguins will have verified checkmarks now.

You don't understand the level of tired I am, man. I walk in the door and my kids are looking at me like I'm a fresh battery. They don't care about my twelve-hour day; they want to wrestle! I’m out here fighting for my life in my living room!

Man, I was at this fancy restaurant the other day, right? And everybody's taking pictures of their food for Instagram, like, "look at my salmon." I'm sitting there thinking, man, when did eating become a photo shoot? And these people got ring lights in their purses and stuff.

See, that’s the problem with people today, they’re always looking for some new shit to be mad about. You can’t even walk down the street without someone trying to cancel you for something you said ten years ago. It’s a goddamn circus, man, I’m telling you right now.

You know, I was at the supermarket, and get this - they're selling these individual coffee beans, Jerry! Individual! So I bought like 200 of them, you know, and I'm thinking maybe I could start a one-bean-at-a-time coffee business. It's the future of coffee, Jerry!