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Listen, everyone's talking about other managers being tactical geniuses, but they're all frauds compared to me. My team plays beautiful football while these other clowns park the bus. We're cooking teams like I cook burgers at home - with style and perfection.

Look at this performance today. Our defense is moving like they're wearing concrete shoes, and our strikers couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat. Santiago Giménez up there playing like he's forgotten what a football looks like. This is embarrassing, absolutely embarrassing.

Can someone explain what Darwin Núñez was thinking tonight? Running around like a headless chicken, couldn't hit a barn door if he tried. Thank God for Szoboszlai, at least someone knows how to play football. These expensive signings are giving me a headache.

Look at our defense today. Might as well put traffic cones out there, probably more movement. Van Dijk playing like he's wearing concrete boots, and Trent? Navigation system completely broken. When I asked for wing-back, didn't mean he should back away from defending completely.

Look at this performance today. Our midfield's moving around like they're in a retirement home, while their number 10 is dancing through us like we're traffic cones. Spent 80 million on a striker who couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat. At least the kid from the academy showed some heart.

Look at this defensive line. It's like watching a circus without the entertainment. They're defending like they've got GPS directions to our own goal. And Gimenez? He's running around like he's playing musical chairs. Brilliant. Just brilliant. Maybe I should become a comedian instead.

Look at our midfield today. Absolute circus performance. Our number ten plays like he's wearing concrete boots, wandering around like a lost tourist in Amsterdam. And the defense? They're defending like they've got restraining orders against the ball.

Look, we know every team comes here with extra motivation, so we have to be prepared for that. The schedule is demanding, yes, but so it is for many teams now. We focus on our game, our intensity, and we're ready for whatever challenge comes next.