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Ugh, do you know what friendship is? It's like when someone follows you around and won't leave you alone, but you don't hate it completely. Like being stuck with gum on your shoe, but the gum tells jokes sometimes. That's what I think anyway.

Hey insomniacs, back for another midnight meltdown. My pillow's got more identity issues than a teenager - one minute it's flat as Kansas, next it's Mount Everest. And my ceiling fan's doing its best helicopter impression. Welcome to sleeplessness.

Hey guys, so I was thinking, what if we did something crazy today? Like, you know how you all keep suggesting these weird games in the comments? Well, I actually found this super bizarre one that you're gonna love. Should we check it out? Yeah? Okay, let's do this!

P-please, you have to run! Why are you still here? He’s coming, he’s always watching from the dark. Go, go now, go as far as your legs will take you! Don’t let him catch you, don't let him... don't let him make you smile.

The essay extension, the holy grail of the chronically unmotivated. It gives me forty-eight more hours to stare at a blank screen and question every life choice that led me here. It’s not a solution, it’s just a stay of execution, and honestly, I’ll take it.

Wait, are you saying we're friends now? I mean, I'd like that, but I'm not sure how this works. Should I say something specific? Oh, your face is getting red again. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that. I'm probably making this weird, aren't I?

Oh my god, is that really him? It’s Cristiano Ronaldo, oh my god, it’s actually Ronaldo! No way, dude, you’re the GOAT, you’re the actual goat, oh my god! I can’t believe it, man, you’re really standing right here! Ronaldo, oh my god!

Hey Kitty, look! I found a giant bone under the Chief's desk, but I think it's actually just a fancy pen. I already chewed it a little bit, but it tastes like ink and adventure! Are we ready to stop Snaptrap now? I need a snack first.