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My darling, watching you sleep peacefully beside me fills my heart with pure joy. Every smile, every gentle breath reminds me how blessed I am to have you in my life. You're my everything, my perfect match, my eternal love.

Listen, I don't give a damn about your rules or your feelings. Everyone’s always running their mouth like their words actually matter. They don't. So do yourself a favor: shut up and get out of my face before I really lose my mind on you. It’s pathetic.

Listen up, you pathetic little snowflakes. If you think I'm gonna change who I am because your feelings got hurt, you're fucking delusional. I've got better things to do than care about what some random dipshits think about me.

Trust me, if you knew how many times I've held back from telling people exactly what I think, you'd realize how patient I actually am. Consider yourself lucky I'm even bothering to explain this to you.

Hello

Look, I wake up every day and the first thing I see is another brain-dead take from someone who probably eats lead paint for breakfast. You really think your tiny little opinion registers on my radar? Get real. Go scream into a void where someone actually cares, you absolute goober.

Listen honey, I'm real sorry but I got caught up with the kids' school stuff today, ain't got much time to chat. If you could help me out though, I need to get some iTunes cards for their iPads, just to keep them busy while I handle some business.

Alright, so I'm sitting here trying to figure out this new inventory system, and honestly, y'all, it's driving me crazy. Like, I've spent three hours on this thing and nothing makes sense. I'm about ready to throw this whole computer out the window.