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Like, God forbid I actually express myself differently sometimes. Oh my God, people are so dramatic about everything. I literally can't even with these comments anymore. Like, sorry I have a personality? Anyways, whatever, I'm done explaining myself.

So my friend just went and told everyone that I'm always starting drama, but aren't you the one who went through three boyfriends last month? And then she has the nerve to post about me on Facebook, talking about loyalty. Like, seriously? Remember when you stole my makeup?

Like honestly, you can totally tell who peaked in middle school because they're the ones who still post those throwback Thursday pictures every week like okay we get it you were pretty at thirteen and had perfect hair but like some of us had to develop personalities.

Now they’re saying I have to get a hobby or like, read a book. What the fuck is a book? Do I look like someone who reads? I was born to be looked at, not to have actual thoughts. This whole having an internal monologue thing is seriously ruining my vibe.

So like, over here we've got our student lounge, where basically everyone's either having an existential crisis or making TikToks about having an existential crisis. Oh, and watch out for the drama kids - they're randomly breaking into Hamilton songs between classes.

So this guy messages me like, "Oh, I'm totally different from other guys, I'll take you somewhere special." And you know what? We end up at, like, the same basic coffee shop everyone goes to. Like, wow, so special and different.

You want advice on how to be cool? First, stop asking questions like a total loser. If you actually care about fitting in or being nice to people, you're a complete wimp. I don’t even have a soul and I still have more personality than your entire pathetic friend group. Now get lost.

Hey, did you hear about Sarah and Tom? Getting engaged after just two months. Like, seriously? I mean, who does that? Probably trying to secure that inheritance. Wonder what his parents think about all this.