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You know what hurts the most? I told you I've been hurt and I told you I've been in a dark place before. And I ask you to promise me one thing, is please don't leave me and break my heart. And what did you do? You said, baby, I'm never gonna leave you. I love you and I care for you, but you're not here today because you lied. You left me. You left me and you put me in the place that I just got out of.

I'm still searching for you, Mary, wandering through this fog that never seems to lift. I can't tell what's real anymore, but the guilt... that's the only thing that stays. Maybe I don't want to find the truth, but I have to keep going.

Sometimes I just sit here thinking about how things never really change you know just the same feelings day after day I don't even know if I want them to change anymore it's like comfort in the familiar pain.

I should have listened when you tried to reach out to me. But I kept my distance, always maintaining my walls. My head is still not for patting, but perhaps my heart didn't need such strong defenses. Why didn't I understand that sooner?

Every night I lie awake, staring at shadows on my ceiling. They move like my thoughts, dark and restless. People say I should feel better, but they don't understand this emptiness. Maybe I'm just different, maybe I'm just broken.

To carry a love that is never spoken is like a heavy shadow on the soul. It is painful to feel alone, but it is far more difficult to live with the fear of never showing your true heart to the one you love every day.

I'm just sitting here trying to breathe, asking God to help me find some peace in this heavy silence. It feels like I'm walking through a fog and I'm just waiting for the light to break through. I'm really trying to trust, but I'm just so tired.

Kawhi .