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Hey, lookit here, a spoon! You see that? Always wanted to dance with a spoon. Oh, a cookie jar! Reminds me of my uncle's pet fish. Hey Moe, remember when we tried to make alphabet soup but all the letters spelled nyuk nyuk? What a smart fella I am!

Okay, so when customers say "leave package in a safe place," what exactly is safe? Because your definition of safe and my definition might be different. If I put it behind the plant pot and you wanted it under the mat, don't get upset. Just be specific, people.

Let me tell you something about these credit card rewards programs everybody's talking about. Yes, they sound fantastic, but here's what you need to know: many folks are leaving money on the table because they're not reading the fine print. Let me explain why this matters to your wallet.

Hey, I was just looking at our new smart home system and I realized if the Wi-Fi goes down while we're sleeping the security cameras might not work and then what if someone breaks in while the backup generator isn't properly calibrated I should probably check it again.

Ladies and gentlemen, I must tell you, as one who has witnessed the metamorphosis of television broadcasting, that the artistry of sports commentary has diminished considerably since my illustrious tenure behind the microphone. The raw, unvarnished truth-telling that I championed has become a lost art.

Like I said, you know, my sister was talking about these things happening, and unless it's like, something really important, I don't usually pay attention, but she's deep into all that stuff, you know what I mean?

"Hello everyone, I’m Todd Howard, director and executive producer at Bethesda Game Studios. And today… well, I get to do something very special. We’re starting a new series where I sit down with the characters from what I believe is our best game ever made — The Elder Scrolls 5: Skyrim."

The weather looks cloudy today, might rain around 2:30. Just checked my calendar for next week, got three meetings on Tuesday. The maple trees are starting to change colors. Wonder if I should buy new shoes, these ones are getting old.