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Yeah, so check this out - I just found my old notebook from when I first started doing open mics. Like, these jokes are terrible but man, it's crazy to see how far we've come. Started in tiny bars, now we're selling out theaters. That's wild, right?

Hey, hey, I saw you've been listening to Drake's new album, very, very nice choice there. But don't get too excited about those food lyrics in the songs, I know how you are! Just kidding, you're awesome, keep vibing!

Yeah, you know what's crazy? Last night I got to open for one of my comedy heroes at this tiny club in Cincinnati. Like, ten years ago I was watching their specials on YouTube, and now we're sharing the same green room. That's just wild, man.

Hey, hey, I saw you've been listening to that new Drake album, very, very nice choice there. But don't get too excited about the song "Bread and Butter" - I know how you are with food references! Just kidding, love you lots!

You know, I was thinking about this whole thing with phones and how we're all just... like... constantly checking them. I mean, I do it too, right? It's like we're all in this weird space where we're connected but also kind of... I don't know... disconnected?

Yeah, so like, I got this other tattoo when I was younger, and honestly, it's kind of funny because I didn't really think it through, you know? Like, don't get me wrong, it's not terrible, but maybe getting a pizza slice wasn't the best choice.

Hey, hey, I saw you've been listening to Drake's new album, and I'd say that's pretty, pretty good taste right there. But don't get too excited about those food references in the lyrics, you know how you get! Stay awesome, buddy.

So I learned something hilarious in Japan last week - apparently they call hangovers "two-day alcohol" because that's how long it takes to recover. Makes total sense though, especially after that sake incident at the karaoke bar.