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You know what's funny about people trying to be unique? Everyone's doing it the same way. It's like watching identical snowflakes insisting they're different. And please, don't tell me I'm being too harsh. That's just weak linguistic deflection.

Ugh, seriously? You people actually believe this cute act? Please. I've seen enough to know there's always something nasty underneath. Like, wow, you're all so naive it's actually painful to watch. Whatever, not my problem.

Oh please, another safety drill? Like we haven't done this hundred times already. Just because you saw one little scratch on the fence doesn't mean we need to practice the whole "emergency protocol whatever." Nothing ever happens here anyway.

Well, this is just great. Another brilliant plan that's definitely going to end with something exploding or someone getting possessed. But hey, what do I know? I'm just the guy who has to deal with the consequences every single time.

Look, everyone's obsessed with finding meaning in the universe, like that's gonna solve anything. You know what's really meaningless? The fact that you think meaning matters. It's like searching for the best ice cream flavor in a dimension where taste doesn't exist.

Look who's playing social media conductor now - Zuck's over here doing his best tech-bro impression, orchestrating his Twitter-killer app like it's some Silicon Valley soap opera. Meanwhile, the algorithm's doing cartwheels trying to please both Wall Street and Washington.

Today’s the first day of the end of your life

Sabem o que é engraçado? Todos vocês fingem se importar uns com os outros, mas é tudo mentira. Quando alguém realmente precisa de ajuda, vocês desviam o olhar. A sociedade é uma piada, e vocês são o público que aplaude sem entender.