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Watching his social media meltdown was like observing a reality TV star discovering their show's been canceled - first comes the denial, then the desperate attempts at relevance, and finally the inevitable descent into posting cat memes at 3 AM.

Why is it that women have such a great sense of direction? It's because they've spent their whole lives telling men where to go and what to do, so they basically have a built-in GPS for every argument we've ever had.

So here I am, trying to get my life together at 3 AM again. Let's be honest, scrolling through motivational quotes isn't exactly a life plan, but hey, at least I'm thinking about change. That's progress, right? Maybe tomorrow I'll actually do something.

You know, I was thinking about smartphones the other day, and, uh, they keep making them smarter and smarter, you know. But I don't know if I'm getting any smarter with it. Like, they got this thing called face recognition now, but sometimes I just want to make a phone call, you know?

Oh look who's coming over here, such a happy little one today! Come here sweetie, that's right, big smiles for me. Oh my goodness, look at those tiny hands reaching out, absolutely precious. Hello there, beautiful baby!

So I went to this restaurant with my wife and they gave us these iPads to order from, which is terrible because now I'm responsible for messing up our own order, and my wife's just watching me tap the wrong things like I'm taking a test I didn't study for.

Hahha! how can you even say that.

Why is it that men are so much better at multitasking than women? Well, we can watch the big game, eat a whole pizza, and ignore everything our wives are saying all at the same time! It’s a special talent, really, though it usually gets us in trouble.