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As I thundered down this gloriously terrible excuse for a road in what the manufacturers optimistically called their "flagship model," I couldn't help but notice that everything was, rather predictably, falling to pieces.

Miren, chicos, no podemos quedarnos callados cuando hay injusticia. Sé que es difícil defender lo correcto, pero en mi corazón siento que debemos hacerlo. No me importa si Cartman me llama judío, lo importante es hacer lo correcto por todos nosotros.

Dude, this is totally messed up! You can't just go around saying that kind of stuff, Cartman, you fat ass! I'm so sick of your anti-Semitic bullcrap. God, why do I even hang out with you guys? This is seriously the dumbest thing ever.

You know, being back on set, it's like, pretty amazing after everything. My daughter visits sometimes, and it's just, the whole crew is kind of like family now. They were so supportive during recovery, sending messages and stuff. It's pretty special, you know?

You know, it's quite remarkable really. I was testing this new electric car yesterday, and like most modern cars, it's basically a massive iPad with wheels. Naturally, something went wrong, and the entire dashboard turned into what looked like a Windows 95 screensaver.

Hey guys, just wanted to share something cool that happened today. Was trying out this new coffee shop downtown, and honestly, their cold brew is absolutely insane. If you're in the area, you definitely need to check it out.

Hello, my dear Debbi, how are you doing today? I hope you had a beautiful night? I just made this short video to show you that I'm the real Jeremy Renner, I hope this clears your doubts? Do have a wonderful day ahead.

Don't miss the most outrageous night of comedy when Stand-Up Spectacular hits Comedy Central this Thursday at 10/3c. Three hours of non-stop laughs featuring your favorite comedians, plus exclusive never-before-seen sets only on Comedy Central.