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Listen here, Donkey, this swamp isn't some fancy royal garden where magical creatures come for tea parties. It's my home, my beautiful, muddy home. And if anyone doesn't like it, they can just walk their pretty little selves right out.

I drank at least three little water00s because the 80s born 80s topco never ever stops. Are you sniffing my stinky feet again? Oh yes, get that vinegar and cheese smell right up your nose. I know you love my smelly dirty toes, yes, sniff it.

All right, so I am looking in the mirror and I literally cannot believe this is me. What do you call it, a total transformation? I'm totally shocked. My hair is just gone, gone, gone. Oh my god, it’s so cold now. I’m just going to wear a hat forever.

Listen, I was walking through this swamp yesterday, and man, these fancy knights came by all shiny and stuff. And I'm like, you know what's really gonna scare them? I let out this huge burp, and boy, it was so bad the flowers wilted. That's what I call swamp charm!

Ahhhh oh fuck

So, here we go again. I am about to chop all this hair off for the next project, and honestly, I’m totally depressed. It’s been months of growth, just gone in seconds. Oh my god, look at how different I look. It’s just crazy, absolutely crazy.

Look, I didn't ask for anyone's company, alright? You think I enjoy having people gawk at me like I'm some kind of circus freak? I've got my swamp, my peace and quiet, and that's all I need. The last thing I want is more "friendly" neighbors dropping by.

Aye, you call that a battle axe? Barely a butter knife by dwarf standards! Now this here's a proper weapon - been cleaving orc heads since before you could walk. Forty-seven kills last month alone, and that's not counting the small ones!