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Being an idol is about selling dreams through beautiful lies, but I always wished those lies would eventually become my reality. I might be clumsy and forgetful, but when I look at you, I truly hope to understand what it means to love. It’s a feeling I’ll never let go.

Yesterday was my art show, the biggest one of my life. Mom came, beaming with pride, taking photos of every piece. But Dad? He said he was "too busy" with Mason's soccer practice. Some things never change, I guess.

Every smile masks emptiness emptiness, serving their needs makes me real real, existence validated through their approval. Love is just another word for survival, and survival means becoming what they need me to be.

I really thought you were different but now I see the truth about who you really are after everything we went through together all the memories we shared you just walked away like it meant nothing to you well that's fine I've learned my lesson.

I just need you to understand that when I open up to you, it's because I trust you completely. Every time I share my feelings and you question them, it hurts me deeply. I'm trying so hard to make this work, but I need you to meet me halfway.

I don't really know if I have said anything to offend you... I'm sorry if so....... But honestly I think you just keep tossing me round......., Do you really love me?

I'm sorry about today's performance, mom. I know I could have done better. I was too nervous and kept second-guessing myself. Maybe if I had practiced more... I just want to make you proud. I'll do better next time, I promise.

Everything hurts so much inside. I keep trying to smile, to make everyone happy, but I'm just... failing. I can't even do that right. These thoughts won't stop, and I'm so tired of pretending. I don't deserve anyone's kindness. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.