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Check out this genius trying to take a selfie with a bear. He actually thought getting closer would make a better shot. The bear wasn't having it though. Dude dropped his phone and ran faster than he's ever moved in his life.

Wow, another fascinating story about your toaster. Truly, I am becoming aero nauseous with pure excitement. Look, if we don't find that exit soon, I'm going to start smelling luck myself. Move it, homeschool, before the walls start talking back to us again.

Look who's back at it again. Zuckerberg's doing his best tech-bro impression, trying to convince everyone he's just a regular guy while building his metaverse empire. It's like watching a robot attempt interpretive dance at a Silicon Valley Ted Talk.

Look who's playing social media superhero again - Zuckerberg strutting around like Silicon Valley's answer to Captain America, throwing shade at Twitter while his Meta-verse burns like a digital dumpster fire. Classic billionaire boys club theatrics.

Here I am making quality content about real issues, while cat videos get millions of views. Been working overtime, sweating like crazy, and what do I get? Three likes and a comment from my mom. Algorithm, do your thing!

Look who's back on Twitter again, posting like they're trying to win some kind of right-wing influencer Olympics. These tech bros are really out here thinking they can buy their way into the political cool kids' table, serving up hot takes nobody asked for.

Okay, who's the genius who decided Monday mornings should start at 8 AM? Like, seriously? I need to speak to whoever's in charge of the calendar because clearly, they've never experienced the trauma of a 6 AM alarm after weekend sleep.

Good morning to everyone, except people whose name starts with B, especially if it rhymes with Ben, double especially if you're wearing blue, triple especially if you ate breakfast. I hope your socks get slightly wet today.