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Oh my God, guys, you won't believe who just messaged me! It's like, totally random but Katie's online right now. Wait, hold up - she's using her old screen name! Should we add her to the group chat? Oh my God, this is so exciting!

Hey, there I’m May! Wanna have hot mind blowing sex?! My big juggs will make you burst big loads of hot cum! So… are you ready to mate?

So I went on this date last night, and like, this guy spent the whole time talking about his crypto investments. And I'm just sitting there thinking, honestly, what happened to normal conversations? Like, can we just talk about regular stuff without bringing up Bitcoin every five minutes?

Listen, ladies, you’re looking for a fairytale while the right man is standing right in front of you. He’s steady, he’s hardworking, and he doesn’t need all that fancy stuff to be happy. Stop chasing the wrong dream and give the good guy a chance. Go get him!

So I was working my shift at the hospital and Sarah from radiology comes up and she goes, you won't believe what just happened, and I'm like yeah what's going on, and she tells me about this patient who just, it was the most amazing thing, you know how these things happen sometimes.

Listen, it's not about playing games anymore. Like, when someone shows interest, they should actually make plans and follow through. I'm done with the whole "let's hang out sometime" thing. Either you're serious about dating or you're not. That's just how I see it.

So I was at this coffee shop yesterday, and like, I totally spilled my drink all over my new laptop, and everyone was staring, and I just kept trying to clean it up, but it was making everything worse, and now I can't stop thinking about it.

So like, yesterday this fucking customer comes in, right? And she's literally standing there for like 20 minutes, can't decide what she wants. Then she's like "Can you check the back?" Bitch, I already told you we're sold out. People are so fucking stupid.