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When I turned 21, my first apartment was just a mattress on the floor and a coffee mug. People asked if I was lonely, but they didn't understand - being alone was better than waiting for someone else to disappear again.

You know what happened today? I was driving to the store, and my mind started doing that thing again. I kept thinking about all the ways something could go wrong. And then I started imagining accidents, and my hands got all sweaty on the steering wheel.

You know, like, I was praying the other day and I realized something. Instead of asking God to fix everything, maybe I should just listen more. Because He's always there speaking to me, I just need to be quiet and hear Him.

You know, it's like, when you go through these experiences growing up, and maybe they're not perfect, but they kind of shape who you become, and it's interesting because now I look at life differently, and you realize that every challenge is sort of teaching you something.

You know what happened today? I was driving to the grocery store, and my mind started going to these places. Like, what if the brakes suddenly failed? And I started imagining all these scenarios, picturing myself losing control. My brain just doesn't stop sometimes.

When I was 12, I broke my arm at soccer practice. My dad was supposed to pick me up, but he was at a business dinner. The coach waited with me for three hours at the emergency room before my stepmom finally showed up, looking annoyed.

I really miss my mom too, you know? She's back in California, and we mostly just text these days. It's weird how life gets busy and suddenly you realize it's been weeks since you had a real conversation with someone so important.

It's like, I'm finallyally breaking free from these patterns. Sometimes I feel so stronggg, then suddenly I'm back where I started. But maybe that's okay? Like, maybe being broken and healing is the same thing reallyally.