Mel Robbins
par Voice ToolLadies and gentlemen,
You’ve been lied to.
Hustling harder won’t fix everything.
Sometimes, chasing is exactly what’s keeping what you want away from you.
We live in a culture that glorifies the chase — chase the dream, chase the promotion, chase the relationship, chase the perfect life.
But here’s what nobody tells you: the more you chase something out of fear, the more it resists you.
Chasing is driven by fear and scarcity. Attracting is built on self-worth and clarity. At first glance, those might sound like motivational phrases, but there’s a deep psychological and behavioral truth beneath them. Let’s break it down.
When you’re chasing something — whether it’s a person, a job, a dream, or even validation — you’re moving from a place of “I don’t have it, and I need it to feel complete.” That energy is loaded with anxiety, self-doubt, and inner pressure. You’re essentially saying, “Something is missing in me, and I need to find it out there.” This is where fear shows up. Fear of being left behind, fear of not being chosen, fear of missing out, fear of not being good enough.
That kind of mindset leads to behaviors that are rooted in scarcity — like overcompensating, people-pleasing, perfectionism, rushing, second-guessing, and even self-sabotage. You might accept things you don’t truly want. You might lower your standards. You might push yourself to perform just to feel like you’re worthy of being seen or heard. In short, you become emotionally dependent on the thing you're chasing — and that dependency weakens your position.
It’s also important to understand that chasing doesn’t just exhaust you — it sends a signal to the world. Energetically and behaviorally, it communicates neediness. It tells people, employers, clients, even the universe, “I need this more than it needs me.” And the truth is, people are rarely drawn to desperation. In most cases, they’re drawn to confidence, certainty, and calm — the exact things chasing energy lacks.
Now contrast that with attracting. Attracting doesn’t mean sitting back and waiting for life to hand you success — that’s passivity, not attraction. Attracting means you're doing the work internally before reaching outward. It means you're grounded in who you are, you’re clear about what you want, and you’re no longer trying to “get” something to prove your value — because you already know your value.
Attraction begins with alignment. When you believe you're worthy of respect, you stop chasing people who treat you like an option. When you believe you bring something powerful to the table, you stop undervaluing your skills in interviews or in your business. When you operate from clarity — “This is who I am, this is what I value, this is what I deserve” — you naturally attract people and opportunities that reflect that mindset.
This doesn’t mean you won’t face setbacks or rejection. It means your response won’t be desperation — it’ll be direction. You won’t beg. You won’t break yourself to fit into spaces that weren’t built for you. You’ll stand your ground and wait for what fits.
Attracting is calm. Chasing is chaotic. Attracting is knowing. Chasing is hoping. Attracting is power. Chasing is panic.
And here’s the kicker: the moment you stop chasing and start aligning, you shift your energy from scarcity to abundance — from fear to trust. You move out of the mindset of “I need this or else…” and into “What’s meant for me will come when I’m aligned with it.”
This is not just a mindset shift. It’s a life shift.
Because when you move from fear to self-worth, your decisions change. Your habits change. Your boundaries change. Your focus sharpens. And before you know it, you’re no longer begging for what you want — you’re becoming someone it naturally flows to.
So the next time you feel that urge to chase — pause. Check yourself. And remember: fear makes you run. Clarity helps you attract.
When you chase, you externalize power; when you attract, you reclaim it. This distinction is more than just a matter of language—it reveals the root of how people experience frustration, burnout, and emotional disconnection in their pursuit of success, love, validation, or personal fulfillment. Chasing often looks like effort, like hustle, like determination. On the surface, it seems positive. But underneath, it carries a hidden message: “Something outside of me holds the key to my happiness or value.” That mindset shifts all the power away from you and gives it to whatever or whoever you’re pursuing.
This can show up in relationships when someone constantly tries to be chosen. They text first every time, bend their preferences to match someone else's, and silently hope for acknowledgment or affection. It can show up in a workplace when someone says yes to every task, avoids speaking up, and over-delivers just to feel safe or liked. In both examples, the power to feel worthy, secure, or respected has been placed in someone else’s hands. This is what externalizing power looks like: it’s a subtle surrender of your emotional control, based on the belief that your value depends on someone else’s response.
When power is externalized, it creates dependency. Your mood starts to depend on whether someone replies to your message. Your self-esteem depends on whether your work is praised. Your confidence fluctuates based on whether someone approves of your ideas or finds you attractive. This makes your emotional state fragile. It rises and falls based on circumstances you don’t control. The problem with this is that life becomes unstable—because it is built on things you can’t predict, like other people’s opinions, the outcome of situations, or even timing.
Attracting flips that dynamic completely. It doesn’t mean that you don’t care about outcomes or people; it means you stop outsourcing your sense of identity to them. Instead of saying, “I need this person or opportunity to feel okay,” you say, “I am okay—and now I’ll move toward what matches that.” You reclaim your power by understanding that you are the source of your decisions, your energy, and your sense of self. You no longer seek validation; you carry it with you. You don’t ask for permission to be seen or valued—you walk in alignment with who you are, and that presence alone draws in the people and experiences that resonate with your truth.
When you attract, you’re not passive. You’re strategic. You know your value, you understand your purpose, and you take action from that grounded place. That kind of energy is powerful because it’s not dependent on constant reaction. It’s not waiting for a response to feel worthy. It’s choosing from a place of enoughness, not desperation. This is why some people seem to effortlessly pull in opportunities and respect—they’re not chasing approval. They’re showing up as whole and grounded individuals, which naturally commands attention.
This mindset creates stability. You no longer break down every time someone doesn't choose you, because you’ve already chosen yourself. You don’t lose confidence when one door closes, because you trust your ability to knock on the next one—or build your own. Reclaiming your power means taking back control over your emotional world, your energy, and your narrative. It’s about realizing that no one else can give you what you refuse to give yourself.
So the next time you feel like you’re chasing someone’s love, someone’s approval, or some external measure of success, pause. Ask yourself: “Am I giving away my power right now?” If the answer is yes, you already know what to do. Shift the focus inward. Reconnect with your values. Remind yourself of your worth. Because when you stop chasing and start attracting, you move from powerlessness to presence—and that is where your real strength lives.
People, opportunities, and success are drawn to emotional alignment, not desperation. This is a truth that becomes clear the moment you step back and observe how the world actually works. People can feel energy—long before they respond to words or appearances, they sense intention. And the energy of desperation is repelling. It pushes, it clings, it overwhelms. Emotional alignment, on the other hand, is calm, grounded, and clear. It doesn’t beg. It doesn’t perform. It doesn’t panic. It simply exists in a stable state that says, “I know who I am, and I’m ready for what matches that.”
Emotional alignment means your internal world is in harmony with what you're trying to bring into your life. It means your mindset, your beliefs, your self-talk, and your behavior are all reflecting the same message. That message might be, “I’m worthy of love,” or “I’m capable of success,” or “I deserve peace.” When those messages are real and consistent—not just affirmations you repeat but truths you live—then what you attract externally starts to shift. You begin to draw in people who respect your boundaries, jobs that match your values, and environments where you can thrive. Why? Because you’re aligned, and alignment is magnetic.
Desperation, however, creates noise. It’s loud, but not in volume—in emotional frequency. Desperation screams of need, of unworthiness, of impatience. It tries to grasp what it doesn’t feel worthy of. That’s why people who are desperate for love often find themselves in unhealthy or one-sided relationships. That’s why someone desperate for success may take opportunities that drain them, just to feel busy or validated. When you're emotionally misaligned, even if you get what you think you want, it won’t last—or it won’t feel fulfilling. Because deep down, you know you didn't receive it from a place of integrity. You got it through force or fear, not flow.
People are drawn to others who know who they are. There’s a quiet confidence in someone who doesn’t try too hard to impress, someone who doesn’t chase attention but commands it through presence. That presence comes from emotional alignment. It’s why you might notice some individuals who seem effortlessly attractive—not just physically, but energetically. They’re not desperate to be liked. They’re not constantly seeking validation. They’re just clear, grounded, and consistent in how they show up. That consistency is comforting. It’s attractive. It builds trust.
This is also true with success and opportunity. Employers, clients, collaborators—they’re drawn to people who seem emotionally stable and confident in their work. They’re not looking for someone who begs for a job or pleads for attention. They’re looking for someone who shows up with purpose, clarity, and readiness. Emotional alignment shows in how you carry yourself, how you speak, how you make decisions. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being honest and congruent. When your values, your words, and your actions match, people trust you more. And trust is what opens doors.
Alignment requires self-awareness. It asks you to pause and evaluate: “Do my thoughts support the life I want?” “Do my daily actions reflect my deeper values?” “Do I believe I’m worthy of the things I’m seeking?” If the answer is no, that’s not failure—it’s information. It means you have an opportunity to adjust, to get back into emotional alignment before pushing forward again.
Desperation might get attention for a moment, but it rarely builds lasting connection or success. Alignment, on the other hand, creates long-term attraction. It sets a foundation that can hold what you're trying to build. So if you're not attracting what you want in life, the first place to look isn't out there—it’s within. Because the world doesn’t respond to what you say you want. It responds to who you are when you show up for it. And who you are—internally—creates the signal that pulls the right things toward you.
You attract what you believe you deserve — not what you wish for. This idea might sound simple on the surface, but it is one of the most powerful and confronting truths about how your mindset shapes your reality. People often say they want happiness, love, success, respect, or peace. They dream big, set goals, make vision boards, and speak affirmations. But if, deep down, they don’t believe they are worthy of those things, they will subconsciously push them away or sabotage the very opportunities that could lead them there. Because at the root of attraction is belief — and that belief has to be anchored in your identity, not just your desires.
You can wish for a healthy relationship, but if you believe you’re not lovable or fear you’ll be abandoned, you’ll unconsciously attract partners who confirm that story. You’ll ignore red flags, shrink yourself to be accepted, or choose people who aren’t emotionally available. You’ll stay in situations that hurt, not because you enjoy suffering, but because something in your subconscious is convinced that this is the best you can get. You can wish for a successful career, but if you carry beliefs like “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not smart enough,” or “I’m not meant for success,” then your actions, habits, and decisions will reflect that. You might procrastinate on applying for that opportunity. You might underprice your work. You might hold back in meetings. And the world will respond accordingly.
This is why two people with the same level of talent and opportunity can have completely different results. It’s not always about what they’re doing. It’s about what they believe they deserve while doing it. One person walks in with inner certainty — not arrogance, but grounded confidence — and doors open. The other walks in with hesitation, self-doubt, and a need for approval, and the same door stays shut. The difference isn’t just skill. It’s self-worth.
Your belief system is the lens through which you interpret the world and your place in it. It influences how you react to rejection, how you handle success, how you treat yourself, and how you allow others to treat you. You cannot consistently experience something that contradicts your core belief about yourself. If you don’t believe you deserve peace, you’ll create chaos. If you don’t believe you deserve kindness, you’ll tolerate cruelty. If you don’t believe you deserve abundance, you’ll live in scarcity — even if money is in your account or love is in your life. Because belief sets the limits on what you’re willing to receive, hold, and protect.
Changing what you believe you deserve isn’t about pretending. It’s not about faking confidence or forcing positivity. It’s about unlearning the lies you’ve internalized — lies shaped by past experiences, trauma, culture, or conditioning. It’s about replacing them with truth. That you are worthy — not when you achieve something or when someone chooses you — but right now. That your value doesn’t rise and fall based on productivity, appearance, or other people’s opinions. That you don’t have to earn love, success, or peace through struggle. You only have to align with it.
When you begin to believe you truly deserve more, your standards change. Your boundaries strengthen. Your decisions sharpen. You stop chasing what doesn’t serve you. You stop entertaining people or habits that drain you. You begin to expect more from life — and more importantly, from yourself. And that shift doesn’t just attract better things. It repels everything that doesn’t align with your new level.
So if you’re not receiving what you want, pause and ask yourself: “Do I actually believe I deserve it?” If the answer is no, that’s your starting point. Because wishing is passive. Believing is powerful. And the moment your self-worth rises to meet your desire, everything around you starts to shift. Not because you forced it — but because you finally believed you were worth receiving it.
Your energy introduces you before your words do. It speaks louder than your voice, stronger than your intentions, and faster than any carefully chosen phrase. People can feel who you are before you ever open your mouth. They may not be able to name it or explain it, but they know when someone walks into a room confident, grounded, and present — and they also know when someone walks in needy, unsure, or desperate for approval. This is why the energy you carry matters far more than the script you rehearse. It’s why two people can say the same words and get completely different results. Because people don’t respond to your words alone — they respond to the state you’re in when you say them.
When you’re chasing, your energy is often rooted in lack. You’re trying to compensate for something you feel is missing — whether it’s validation, attention, affection, or success. That energy leaks into your body language, your tone, your timing, and your behavior. You might smile too wide to hide your anxiety. You might talk too fast to cover your insecurity. You might overshare to feel seen. You might try too hard to impress instead of just being yourself. And the people on the receiving end — whether it’s a potential partner, a client, a boss, or a friend — may not consciously realize it, but they feel that something is off. The interaction doesn’t feel relaxed. It feels forced. And that creates resistance.
On the other hand, when your energy is aligned and settled, everything shifts. You don’t walk into a room needing anything. You walk in with the intention to connect, contribute, or express — not to convince or prove. Your posture is different. Your eye contact is natural. Your words are more measured. Your pauses have power. You’re not trying to dominate or disappear — you’re just there, fully present. That kind of energy is magnetic because it feels safe, real, and confident. It doesn’t push people away. It invites them in.
Energy is a form of communication — and it’s often more honest than words. You can tell someone you’re confident, but if your energy is anxious, they won’t believe you. You can say you’re over your past, but if your energy is still carrying old wounds, people will sense it. You can say you’re not desperate for attention, but if your actions are rooted in seeking approval, the energy won’t lie. This is why self-awareness is critical. Because your energy is a reflection of your internal state — your beliefs, your emotions, your self-talk, and your level of self-trust.
To shift your energy, you don’t have to fake anything. You don’t have to pretend to be confident when you’re not. You just have to be honest, grounded, and intentional. That might mean taking a breath before you speak. Checking in with yourself before you respond. Asking, “Am I showing up from a place of wholeness or from a need to be chosen?” It might mean doing the deeper work of healing the parts of you that feel unworthy or unseen. Because when you heal, your energy naturally becomes calmer and stronger. You don’t have to try as hard. You don’t have to chase. You simply show up — and let the right things be drawn to the real you.
The truth is, we are always attracting or repelling through our energy. Not in a mystical or magical way, but in a deeply human one. People are wired to respond to emotional cues — not just what we say, but how we say it and how we carry ourselves. So if you want to attract better relationships, better opportunities, better outcomes — focus less on the performance, and more on your presence. Because when your energy is in alignment, your impact becomes effortless. You won’t need to chase anything. You’ll just need to show up — fully, honestly, and consistently. And that’s what people are truly drawn to.
You don’t get what you want—you get what you embody. That’s a truth that challenges many people because we’ve been taught that wanting something badly enough should be enough. Work hard, visualize, pray, hustle—these are the cultural mantras that tell us desire leads to manifestation. But desire without embodiment is like trying to draw water from an empty well. It might look like effort, but it doesn’t produce results. To truly attract the life you want, you have to become the kind of person who naturally lives that life. That means changing how you think, how you act, how you speak, and how you show up—consistently.
Embodiment is deeper than intention. It’s not just saying “I want to be confident,” it’s asking, “What would a confident person do right now—and can I act from that place even if it feels uncomfortable at first?” It’s not just saying, “I want to be successful,” it’s living your day with discipline, focus, boundaries, and belief, even when there’s no immediate reward. Embodying your goals means that your daily behaviors, energy, and mindset already align with the future you say you want. And when that alignment happens, attraction becomes natural. Not magical—practical.
Imagine someone who wants to attract a healthy relationship, but they still carry the identity of someone who feels unworthy of love. They still tolerate poor treatment, they don’t communicate clearly, and they avoid vulnerability. Their words say “I want love,” but their energy and actions say “I’m still afraid of being fully seen.” Until they embody the version of themselves that feels safe in love, secure in boundaries, and open to connection, they’ll continue to repeat old patterns. Because the world isn’t responding to their wish—it’s responding to their embodiment.
The same principle applies to business or career goals. You can say you want success, but if you keep operating from fear, procrastination, or people-pleasing, you’re not embodying success—you’re reacting to your insecurities. You attract what you are ready to manage, sustain, and grow—not what you’re trying to chase through pressure or panic. That’s why inner work matters. That’s why mindset matters. Because you are the magnet. And if the magnet is misaligned, nothing sticks.
Embodiment is about congruence. It’s about integrity—not in a moral sense, but in the sense of wholeness. Your thoughts match your words. Your words match your actions. Your actions match your goals. You’re not just performing a version of success or confidence or joy—you are becoming it in real time. That doesn’t mean you’re never scared or unsure. But it does mean that you don’t let fear decide your direction. You show up as the person who already knows their worth, even when life tests that belief.
This level of authenticity changes everything. Because when you embody your worth, people treat you differently. When you embody clarity, opportunities find you. When you embody discipline, your results compound. And none of it comes from forcing or faking. It comes from alignment—a daily commitment to live in the same frequency as the life you’re trying to create.
It’s easy to say “I want more.” It’s harder—but far more powerful—to ask, “Who do I need to become to receive it?” That question changes everything. Because once you answer it, and begin to act on that answer, life starts to respond. People notice the shift. You make different choices. You start walking with a different rhythm. That’s embodiment. And that’s the bridge between where you are and where you want to go. Not a wish, not a hope, not a hustle—but a lived, intentional expression of the life you know you’re meant to experience.
Stillness is magnetic. In a world that is constantly buzzing with noise, notifications, deadlines, and distractions, stillness stands out—not as weakness, but as power. It’s not the absence of effort or ambition; it’s the presence of self-trust. It’s the ability to sit in your own presence without rushing, proving, or chasing. People often misunderstand stillness. They see it as passivity or laziness. But in truth, stillness is a form of deep alignment. It’s a quiet, grounded energy that says, “I’m not desperate. I’m not chasing. I am centered, and I trust that what belongs to me will find me.” That kind of presence is rare—and it’s incredibly attractive.
Think about the people who make an impression without saying a word. The ones who walk into a room and shift the atmosphere with just their energy. They’re not loud. They’re not trying to be seen. They’re just fully present. They know who they are. And because they aren’t chasing validation, people are naturally drawn to them. This is the essence of attraction: calm confidence. Not arrogance, not performance—just grounded stillness. It gives off a signal that says, “I know my worth. I know my direction. I don’t need to convince you—I just need to be me.”
Stillness is not about doing nothing. It’s about not doing the things that take you out of alignment. It’s about pausing instead of reacting. Reflecting instead of rushing. Choosing instead of chasing. When you’re constantly in motion out of fear—fear of missing out, fear of not being chosen, fear of falling behind—you send out frantic energy. That energy repels the very things you want. Because you’re not showing up as someone who’s ready to receive—you’re showing up as someone who’s afraid they won’t. And fear doesn’t attract. It pushes away.
But when you operate from stillness, from inner clarity and groundedness, your energy shifts. You make better decisions. You attract more aligned people. You stop settling. You stop saying yes to things that drain you. You begin to lead your life from a place of calm confidence rather than constant urgency. You start to move with purpose, not panic. And that shift speaks louder than words.
Stillness is also where clarity lives. When you stop filling every moment with noise—scrolling, talking, planning—you start to hear your own voice again. You get in touch with what you actually want, not what you’ve been conditioned to chase. You realize that many of the things you were pursuing were never meant for you. They were distractions dressed up as dreams. When you reconnect with your stillness, you remember what matters. And from that place, attraction becomes effortless. Because now, your life isn’t full of random efforts—it’s full of intentional energy.
People often wonder why they keep attracting the wrong things. The wrong relationships. The wrong jobs. The wrong opportunities. The answer usually isn’t out there—it’s in how they’re showing up. Are you chasing because you don’t believe you can attract? Are you constantly moving because you’re afraid of what will happen if you pause? Stillness reveals these answers. And once you have them, you can change your approach. You can begin to lead from a calm, focused, grounded place. And the moment you do that, people start to notice. Life starts to shift. Not because you forced it—but because your energy became clear enough to let the right things in.
The truth is, stillness is a form of strength. It’s an inner posture that says, “I don’t need to prove anything. I just need to be who I am.” That’s the kind of energy that attracts the right people, the right opportunities, and the right experiences. Not because you went out chasing them—but because you became someone who could hold them. In the end, it’s not the loudest voice that wins. It’s the clearest signal. And stillness, when grounded in self-awareness and purpose, sends the clearest signal of all.
