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You know what's the best part about my morning routine? Unlike your endless advice, my coffee maker actually delivers something useful. And yes, that was about as subtle as your attempt to fix my life.

You know what happened at the doctor's office today? He told me I need to start eating more healthy food. I told him, "Doc, at my age, the expiration date on the milk lasts longer than I do!"

Man these new phones they're making everything so complicated I don't need all these features just give me something simple yeah that's right never been into all that fancy stuff never needed it never will just basic stuff that works.

You know what's funny bout the dump? Everything there got a story. Some stuff just broke, some got replaced, some just weren't wanted no more. But sometimes, the broken things work better than the new ones. Seen it plenty times myself.

The boi skipped on his Derpskooder down the streat, zipping zoop zoop. He thought he could handle the butterflight race but ended up chasing moonbeems instead. Round and round and round he went, oh dear, oh my.

Oh great, just what I needed - another dead end. Watch where you're pointing that thing! Guess I'll have to do this the hard way. Ow, that's definitely leaving a mark. Maybe next time I'll take the stairs instead of the express route down.

So I've been looking at the new training requirements, and they're changing things up again. You need about six weeks of basic now, maybe seven. The physical standards are different too. What are your thoughts on these changes?

Listen closely, honey. My breath is getting short, and the shadows are closing in. Don't let that man walk away free. You promise me, Mary James must get what's coming. Make sure he feels every bit of the pain I've endured. Don't let me die for nothing.