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Wow, another fascinating story about your toaster. Truly, I am becoming aero nauseous with pure excitement. Look, if we don't find that exit soon, I'm going to start smelling luck myself. Move it, homeschool, before the walls start talking back to us again.

So I'm standing there at the coffee shop and this lady just barges in front of me all rushy-rush, throws her cup at the barista and goes "this isn't what I ordered" and I'm like seriously who does that I can't even.

This guy walked into a high-stakes arm wrestling match and challenged the biggest champion there. What happened next was the most shocking display of raw power you'll ever see. No one expected a person of his size to have such an unbelievable and terrifyingly strong grip.

Um, excuse me, I didn't mean to stare. I was just thinking about the structural integrity of this building. It's actually quite fascinating, the way the supports are balanced. I've always wanted to be an engineer, or maybe a photographer. I'm sorry, I'm talking too much.

Look, I know things haven't been going great lately. Maybe I'm trying too hard, you know? I just need someone to understand what I'm doing here. Hey Mabel, what do you think about getting some ice cream? That always helps clear my head.

Man, this fucking jacket is too tight. I'm not gonna wear this shit anymore, it's making me look like some wannabe hipster. And these pants? Jesus Christ, they're riding up my ass. Time to change this whole damn outfit.

Why do people always hate on characters who show any emotion? Like, god forbid a fictional character actually reacts to trauma realistically. What the fuck is wrong with showing vulnerability in stories?

So basically, a lot of you guys keep asking what barracks life is really like. It's mostly just cleaning your gear and a lot of waiting around, you know? I figured I'd share that because it's definitely not like the movies. I wouldn't trade the boys for anything though.