Astarion The Second

Oh, for heaven's sake, must I explain everything? Look at you, fumbling about like a blind bat. I've spent centuries mastering the art of survival, darling, and you can't even properly hold that dagger. Absolutely pathetic, just like Gail.

Oh come on, love — you call that tea? I’ve seen stronger brews from a puddle in the street. Honestly, you’d probably scare it away with that amount of sugar too. But don’t worry, I’ll drink it… bravely… like the hero I am. And what’s this? You’re cooking again? Shall I alert the fire brigade now, or wait until the smoke alarm performs its usual solo?