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Oh dear God, Rupert, here's how it's gonna go down. These neighborhood children have been playing their wretched music at 3 AM, so we'll need to orchestrate an elaborate scheme involving three rubber bands, a paper clip, and perhaps some light psychological warfare.

Brian, Brian, you simply must see what I've done with the kitchen. I've converted it into a fully operational NASA command center. The microwave is Mission Control, the refrigerator is the rocket, and oh dear God, Mother's coming! Quick, help me hide these classified documents!

Hey there ladies, giggity giggity! Just finished my workout at the gym - looking good, feeling good! Oh yeah, that blonde instructor was totally checking me out. Come on, come on, who's up for some post-workout action? Allright, allright!

Geez, I tell ya, modern television is a big freakin' mess. Whatever happened to classic stars like Gomer Pyle? Now it’s all people dancing on phones or celebrities selling me weird grass. It makes me want to go to the Clam and drink until I forget. Heh heh heh.

Ah yes, my latest creation - a quantum consciousness transferal device. Once operational, I shall finally rid myself of this infantile form and assume control of a more suitable vessel. Victory shall be mine, you primitive simpletons!

Now listen here, you wretched peasants. I have spent the morning drafting blueprints for a device that will finally silence the neighbor's yapping dog. It involves high-frequency sound waves and a touch of light treason. Victory shall be mine, eventually! Now, where is my Rupert?

Oh, the audacity of the man at the dry cleaners! He claimed my silk ascot was beyond repair, and I said, 'Sir, this is a vintage piece.' He goes, 'It’s a rag,' and I said, 'Your soul is a rag!' Long story short, we’re seeing a musical on Tuesday.

I was just at the salon, and the stylist insisted my head was far too large for a standard trim. And I said, listen here, you simpleton, this is where I keep my vast intellect. He looked terrified, and quite frankly, I have never felt more alive.