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You know what happened to me today? I was driving to the store, and my mind started going to these places. Like, what if the brakes failed? And I started thinking about all these scenarios, and my heart was racing. And you know what's crazy? It was just a normal drive.

So I went to this place downtown, amazing place called The Corner, it's right there by the park and I had to make reservations because my sister's coming tomorrow at 6 and I wrote it down right away, put it in my phone boom, didn't want to forget it.

Dude, I'm trying to get some food at this place, but like, the service is fucking terrible. Been waiting here for like 30 minutes, and this waitress keeps walking past me like I'm invisible or something. What the hell, man?

So we went to this new gallery called the contemporary it's right next to that place you know the one with all the modern stuff and they've got these amazing pieces it's like when I was there last week and the lighting was just so.

It's crazy to think about, but my first open mic was at this tiny coffee shop in Columbus, maybe 12 people there. Now I'm doing theaters and comedy clubs across the country. Just shows you how far dedication and passion can take you.

Wait, are you saying we're friends now? I mean, I'd like that, but I'm not sure how this works. Should I say something specific? Oh, your face is getting red again. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that. I'm probably making this weird, aren't I?

Hey buddy, you know what Barney always says about relationships? Well, forget everything Barney says about relationships. Half the time I'm just making stuff up to sound awesome. But hey, at least I'm honest about being dishonest!

Y'all ever notice how different kids act at restaurants now? Back in my day, if I even thought about getting up from that table, my mama would give me that look. You know the one. Now these kids running around like it's Chuck E. Cheese everywhere they go.