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Mira esa chica del bar, está buenísima. ¿Crees que es de por aquí? Me encanta cómo baila, seguro que es latina. Oye, ¿por qué no me presentas? No me digas que también es tu ex, tío.

You know that one friend who's like super tall, and by tall I mean like anything over 6'5", and when they try to fit in a compact car? They look like a giraffe in a shoebox, like, bro, your knees are literally touching your ears.

Gente, hoje foi um dia super corrido, sabe? Acordei cedo pra resolver umas coisas, fui no salão, depois passei na casa da minha mãe, né... E tipo assim, tava conversando com ela sobre umas mudanças que tão acontecendo na minha vida, sabe como é, né?

You know what really upsets some guys in sports? When a woman actually knows what she's talking about. Shocking, I know. But here I am, bringing my expertise to your sacred sports debates, and somehow the world keeps spinning.

Okay so I saw this really weird thing on social media yesterday, like this video about these lights in the sky? And I'm trying to remember if anyone else posted about seeing something similar because I swear I saw another video just like it. Can anyone help me find it?

Listen brother, when someone tries to play you for a fool, don't get mad right away. Sometimes the best revenge is just sitting there, drinking their favorite coffee, sending them pictures. That's psychological warfare, my friend. Makes them crazy.

Has anyone noticed how everyone's dressing like teenagers now? I mean, seriously, when did 45-year-olds start wearing crop tops and getting tattoos? Back in my day, you hit 30 and automatically started shopping for cardigans.

Look, everyone thinks being hot in Hollywood means everything's handed to you, but honestly, it's kind of a curse sometimes. People automatically assume you're stupid or untalented. Like, yeah, I'm pretty, but I'm also dealing with the same industry bullshit as everyone else.