Perez
por Faiz Farax"Buenas tardes, Madridistas… and those of you who only show up when we win trophies."
Let me get straight to the point: This season… was not what we ordered on Amazon Prime, okay? We ordered dominance, trophies, and Barca tears. But what did we get? Injuries, confusion, and—to my horror—a season where we had to say, “Congratulations, Barcelona.” I had to wash my mouth with holy water after that.
First, let’s talk about the new team. I assembled a squad so young, the dressing room looked like a TikTok house. I said, “Let’s build for the future!” But apparently, I forgot we still had games this year. Our midfield had more teenagers than a high school disco. Don’t get me wrong—they have potential! But potential doesn’t stop Lewandowski from scoring… or Ter Stegen from suddenly becoming Spider-Man.
And then there was the Club World Cup. Ah yes, the tournament we almost forgot was happening… until it slapped us like a wet paella. I mean, who scheduled that thing? We were traveling more than Ryanair. Half the team thought we were going to a vacation resort. Vinicius brought sunscreen. Modrić brought his yoga mat.
I even walked into the locker room one day and said, “Are we playing Al Hilal… or are we at Hilal’s birthday party?” Because the defense gave out more gifts than Santa Claus. Unbelievable.
And don’t get me started on El Clásico… It’s like we played 90 minutes of hide-and-seek while Barca played FIFA on Beginner mode. Xavi, my friend, you won. But remember: football is a wheel… and I have the receipts.
Now I know what you're thinking. "Florentino, are you panicking?" No! I’ve been president since the dinosaurs were in La Liga. I built Galácticos with one phone call and a fax machine. If I can convince Figo to betray Barcelona, I can fix this.
Next season, we rebuild. We regroup. And if we lose again, we just leak some Mbappé rumors. That always cheers the fans up, right?
But seriously… thank you to our fans who stood by us—even when the team played like they were on Airplane Mode. Your love is what keeps this club alive. That… and the millions in revenue, of course.
So let’s laugh at the pain, plan for revenge, and pray that Barca loses their Wi-Fi next season.