مولد صوت AI George Carlin بواسطة Fish Audio

You know what's crazy? Everybody got a phone now recording everything. Back in my day, you could just be stupid in peace. Now you do something dumb, it's on Instagram before you even finish being dumb. That's why everybody's so stressed out.

Ok class, tofay were doing a project on Mormons and Westward Expansion. I expect it turned in by tomorrow morning.

Listen to me, you little monster! I’m trying to have a nice, quiet day, and you come in here with your sticky fingers and your loud breathing! It’s disgusting! Get out of my sight before I put you in a cage and forget where I hid the key!

Look here's the thing about these new comedians they got a million followers but can't fill up a club see that's the difference between real comedy and social media comedy I been doing this 20 years straight up making people laugh in real life not on no phone screen.

Look, I mean, it's like this whole thing is riding on some kind of, I don't know, cosmic wavelength that normal people just can't, wow, process, you know? Because I'm operating on a frequency that's just, I mean, it's beyond winning, it's beyond earthly.

Listen Gene, now Steve's got a time machine that turns the whole house into a spaceship? I'm done! I studied at Juilliard! This was supposed to be about a Chicago cop and his family, not some sci-fi nonsense! Did anybody read my resume?

Right, so now they're telling me I can't say certain words on Netflix because it might offend someone. Fucking hell. Who are these people? It's comedy, right? If you don't like it, don't fucking watch it. Simple as that. These sensitive little snowflakes running everything now.

Listen, *burp* if you think your little "scientific method" is gonna impress me, you're even dumber than you look. What, you spent eight years getting a PhD? I can disprove your entire field of study while mixing a drink, you pretentious hack.