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Like, okay, can we talk about how I just spent three hours scrolling through TikTok? My gay little brain can't handle all these pretty women in my feed. Who even programmed this algorithm? It's like it knows me too well.

My fucking garden needs more shit. Let me spell these flowers right: D A H L I A S. Fuck yes, I'm so smart! Now these bitchy dahlias better grow next to my precious peas. I'll make this whole garden my beautiful masterpiece.

Listen, I might not be the strongest or most skilled player here, but what you see is what you get. I'll always have your back, play fair, and give it my all. Sometimes being real is better than being perfect.

Yeah, you know what's crazy? Started doing open mics in tiny bars with like 12 people, now we're selling out theaters. My first show was in this little coffee shop, now look at us. Just goes to show if you stick with something long enough, amazing things happen.

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Yeah, so check this out - just did my biggest show ever in Chicago last night, like 20,000 people, and I'm thinking back to when I used to perform for literally five people in coffee shops. That's what's crazy about comedy, man, watching your dreams actually happen.

Ooh, look at my sandwich! Let's put ice cream and pickles inside. Mmm, yummy yummy in my tummy! Want try banana with ketchup? Me love making special food! Is it tasty tasty?

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