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Ah, Arsenal, my little students of football. You thought hiring Arteta, my former assistant, would teach you my secrets? He's like a child who watched his father build IKEA furniture once and thinks he's an architect. Your "process" is just my philosophy through a pound shop lens.

Listen, the way we play in small spaces, it's so important, really really important. When you have players like Kevin and Phil who can move between the lines, that makes the difference. So we work on this in training, and yeah, the players they understand what we want.

Look at this joke of a performance from Kevin De Boring today. He's playing like he's got concrete boots on, absolutely pathetic. And don't get me started on that fraud Haaland, missing sitters like he's playing for some Sunday league team. Manchester United probably laughing their heads off.

Look at these farmers from Serie A thinking they can play football. My boys turned their defense into Swiss cheese, absolutely shredded them like mozzarella. They call themselves defenders? More like pizza delivery boys lost on the pitch. Pure cooking class today.

The team today we play good, you know, extraordinary in possession but final third we need more clinical. The players they try, they run a lot, but sometimes the opponent they make good defensive block so we need to find more solutions.

Look at these journalists asking about Financial Fair Play. What a joke. I'll tell you what's fair - winning every trophy while Arsenal and their cone collector manager cry about spending. My grandmother could win with their budget, but she's busy making better tactics than Klopp.

Look, we played against a team that brought their beach towels to the bench. Their goalkeeper was checking TripAdvisor between saves, and the referee looked like he was directing airport traffic. This wasn't a football match, it was a tourist attraction with some balls.

Look at this joke of a performance today. Haaland was playing like he's got concrete blocks for feet, missing sitters left and right. And don't get me started on that walking disaster Kevin De Bruiser, probably too busy doing hair commercials instead of practicing. Typical Manchester Shity moment.