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Y'know what happened yesterdy? My brother-in-law, he come over with his new tractor, which he did, which he bought it last week. Tried to help me move them old tires, but wouldn't ya know, we ended up watching NASCAR instead.

Now listen here, I told them boys that truck ain't going nowhere till I say so. People always trying to talk about what they think they know, but they don't know a lick about how I run my business. If you ain't been there, you can't say nothing.

I tell you what, this weather's been about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Ain't seen rain in so long, the catfish are carrying canteens. Billy down the road tried watering his garden yesterday - looked like a chicken trying to milk a cow.

Let me tell you what happened down in Texas last week when some troublemakers tried hitting up that local feed store. Community folks grabbed their shotguns and stood guard all night long, protecting what's theirs. That's how we do things round here.

Listen here, folks. Down South, we got ways of talkin' that might confuse ya. When I say "fixin' to," that means I'm about to do somethin', and "might could" means maybe I can. That's just how we roll 'round these parts.

Martha! Them chickens is loose in the garden again! Look at 'em scratchin' up my tomatoes! Grab the broom while I chase 'em back to the coop. Dang critters always findin' a way through that broken fence!

Well now, look at that chrome shine under the Texas sun, real nice car you're driving. I always say, there ain't nothing better than a long stretch of highway and plenty of fresh roadkill. Makes a man feel alive, you know? Just keep heading down that road, friend.

Spent the whole morning trekking through the thicket hoping to spot a buck, but there wasn't a single critter moving in the valley. Just that gum wind blowing through the pines. My boots are plumb worn out for nothing but a bit of fresh air.