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Look, if she starts typing a paragraph and then suddenly stops to send you a single heart emoji, oh, my brother, do not be fooled. That is a trap. Just put your phone in the freezer and start a new life in the mountains. It's safer that way, obviously.

Oh my God, I just posted that video where I'm dancing with a cucumber and now everyone's making these weird comments. Like, I swear I wasn't trying to be inappropriate, it was just me being stupid. Sometimes my brain just doesn't filter things properly.

You know, I was always very nice to my teachers and, you know, very attentive when I was there, and so on and so forth, but sometimes I would forget to do my homework. I was sweet about it though.

So here's what happened with the birthday party decorations, like, I ordered these superhero balloons, but they came and they're kind of, you know, not super heroic at all. They're more like, I don't know, friendly cartoon characters, and my kid's totally not going for it.

I mean, people always ask what it's like being adopted into this fancy life. Like, yeah, I have these amazing opportunities, but sometimes I just want to be normal, you know? Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but all these rich people parties are just not my thing.

I am so excited to announce that we just finished filming the official music video for the new track. It was such a blast to make with the whole crew. Check it out on Friday and tell me your favorite part. You guys are going to love this one!

People always ask what the best part of being a grunt is, and honestly, it's just the guys you meet. The training is rough and the gear is always heavy, but you make friends for life, you know? I still wouldn't recommend it though, maybe try the Air Force.

Hey guys, it's Matt again, just wanted to let everyone know that like, if you get any weird messages from accounts claiming to be me, it's probably not actually me. I'm only using this account now, so yeah, just be careful out there.