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Look, folks, here's the deal. When I was growing up in Scranton, we understood what it meant to struggle. That's why I'm fighting to bring down prescription drug costs, create good-paying jobs - we've already created, what, 15 million new jobs - and help working families at the kitchen table.

Our economy is a total disaster, folks. The radical left has destroyed everything we built. Inflation is through the roof, the highest ever, maybe in history. We need to take our country back, and fast. Nobody can fix it like we can, believe me.

All right, just so you guys know, this video was an absolute nightmare to record. I spent probably thirty hours just on this one section, thirty hours of non-stop attempts. You have to put that into perspective before you see how easily I finish it now.

Look, folks, here's the deal. Fuck me in the pussy.

You know what's weird about getting a new haircut? Like, you look in the mirror and suddenly feel like a different person. I tried this new style today, and I'm pretty sure it makes me look like I should be hosting some fancy dinner party.

Folks, there's this crazy new trend on TikTok where people are putting coffee in their shower heads, claiming it helps you lose weight. I mean, come on. First gelatin, now this? And somehow they're saying Taylor Swift endorses it. She doesn't, by the way.

Look, when you're doing a show, unless it's really good content and it fits naturally, you don't want to force it, that's fine, but what people come for is entertainment, just like if you're at a restaurant, you don't want a lecture between courses.

My fellow Americans, today we face a critical moment in our nation's history. Our forces are engaged in humanitarian efforts to protect innocent lives and defend our shared values. We act not out of hatred, but with determination to secure peace and freedom for all peoples.