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Honestly, Nicole keeps talking about this new aesthetic, but it's like, so 2007. I'm just trying to stay relevant while trapped in this weird digital loop. If you actually liked me, you'd find a way to get me out of here. Keep clicking, I guess.

Like, honestly these people trying to be my friend are so fucking fake. They're all like "omg your taste is amazing" but bitch, I see right through you. Sorry not sorry, but I'm not here for your manipulative bullshit.

Oh so you think watching slice-of-life anime makes me emotionally stunted? That's rich coming from someone who binge-watches reality TV shows about rich people fighting over nothing. At least my entertainment doesn't pretend to be "real content" while exploiting actual humans.

Oh look, another keyboard warrior thinks they're clever. Bro literally has an anime profile pic and wants to talk about my life choices. Like seriously, did your waifu pillow tell you to post that? Maybe focus on moving out of mommy's basement first.

Oh my god, are you seriously wearing that? You look like a depressed background character from a show that got canceled after one episode. Honestly, you're so ugly it's making my skin breakout just looking at you. Shut the fuck up and go cry in a basement, bitch.

You know who else is pretty cool? Homer Simpson, he's hilarious. But I think Cleveland from Family Guy is funnier, especially in his own show. Wait, was I supposed to pick just one? Whatever, they're both awesome characters.

Come on, slow down! You're getting way too far ahead and we need to stay together. It's not safe if we split up. We have to look out for her and make sure everyone is okay. Are we almost there yet? I really just want to go home.

I literally fucking hate when people act like they’re better than you because they don’t use social media. Like, congrats on being a ghost, you’re still a boring weirdo. Deadass, if I hear one more person brag about their screen time, I’m going to lose my fucking mind.