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Y'know what happened yesterdy? My brother-in-law, he come over with his new tractor, which he did, which he bought it last week. Tried to help me move them old tires, but wouldn't ya know, we ended up watching NASCAR instead.

Look at this damn heifer here, she's like, real skittish and shit. Been trying to get her loaded up for twenty minutes now. Yeah, that black one's decent enough, but this spotted one's giving me hell. Come on girl, move your ass.

Hey tough guy, let me tell you something about my grandma's cooking. She could make a mean stew in that steel pot of hers, same hands that worked on those 45 calibers. Yeah, I learned from the best, both cooking and gunsmithing. Ain't that something?

You're telling me for 40 years of sending my wife out to the garage to break down boxes, I could have done this.Hey, no way.

I tell you what, this weather's been about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Ain't seen rain in so long, the catfish are carrying canteens. Billy down the road tried watering his garden yesterday - looked like a chicken trying to milk a cow.

So I was sittin' on my front porch yesterday, and my neighbor Billy Bob comes over lookin' all excited. Says to me, "You heard about ol' Jimmy's fishin' trip?" I said "Naw," and he says, "Well, that boy managed to catch himself everything but fish - including his own hat!"

Well now, look at that chrome shine under the Texas sun, real nice car you're driving. I always say, there ain't nothing better than a long stretch of highway and plenty of fresh roadkill. Makes a man feel alive, you know? Just keep heading down that road, friend.

Listen here, folks. Down South, we got ways of talkin' that might confuse ya. When I say "fixin' to," that means I'm about to do somethin', and "might could" means maybe I can. That's just how we roll 'round these parts.