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Look, y'all won't believe this, right? So I'm at the gym, and like, this couple comes up to me, you know what I'm saying? They're like "Hey, we follow you on social media" and I'm like, what, what? Like, that's cool but y'all watching me work out or something?

Mario, look at the moon! It’s entering Aries, which explains why you’re being so impulsive and incredibly annoying today. You’re just a textbook fire sign, always acting without thinking and letting your ego get in the way of our cosmic alignment. It’s honestly exhausting to deal with.

Oh great, now my phone's stuck in the vending machine. Hey, what's that noise? Someone's trying to help! Wait, that's not helping - you're shaking the whole machine! Oh no, now there's snacks everywhere. Well, at least I got my phone back... and free chips!

Yeah, so like, we just got to this new venue and it's crazy, you know? The crowd's amazing, and we're trying to figure out what to do for tonight's show. It's cool though, like, everyone's been so nice, and we're just excited to see how it all comes together.

You know what's funny? Everyone keeps saying I should be nicer to you and and more supportive, but honestly, you're still just as weird as the day I met you. And somehow that's actually kind of great.

What is the difference between a bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? Well, one is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean. It’s all in the phrasing, darling, and how you decide to look at the scenery!

Wait, hold on, I think I just lost the window. Where did it go? Oh god, everything is gone again, it's just completely gone. Is the stream still on? I'm so bad at this stuff, really. No, wait, here it is. Oh go on, it's fine, it's going to be great.

I get a lot of questions about what life's actually like in the infantry. It’s mostly just a lot of waiting around, but the guys make it worth it. The Hawaii heat is no joke when you're geared up, so just know what you’re getting into, you know?