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Listen, I know you're sick of these fucking Instagram updates, but my new comedy special is dropping next week. Get your friends together, grab some drinks, whatever you want - just don't miss this one. It's literally the best shit I've ever done.

Okay, listen up Chicago, two quick things. One, I'm coming to your city next month, get tickets on my website. Two, I want to hear your craziest ghost stories at the show. Like, bring some evidence, tell me what happened. I used to live in a haunted apartment, so this stuff fascinates me.

Hey guys, guess what's happening tonightnight... I mean tonight! Got a brand new comedy show dropping at the Laugh Factory. It's gonna be wild, it's gonna be weird, and you might just end up being part of the show. Don't say I didn't warn ya!

Hey gorgeous, just caught myself smiling at my phone like an idiot, probably because I was thinking about you. You know what's funny? Even my coffee this morning rolled its eyes at how cheesy I'm being. But hey, that's what you signed up for, right?

Yeah, so check this out - last night I'm performing at this comedy club where I did my first open mic ten years ago. Like, literally the same stage, same brick wall behind me, but now it's packed with people who actually paid to see me. That's crazy, right?

I'm seriously so lucky to have you guys supporting me. You made this comedy journey possible, and I love you to death. To the people who spend their time hating, honestly, get a life. We’re moving on to bigger things, and I can't wait to see you there.

Hey Kristen. I just want to let you know that I really do love and care about you. You make my world perfect and I am proud to say that I love you with all my heart.

Listen, I am finally coming back to Chicago and I could not be more hyped. I do not care how cold it is, the energy in that city is unmatched. We are hitting the big stage this time, so grab your tickets now. See you soon!