Matt Rife AI 语音生成器，由 Fish Audio 提供

Folks, there's this crazy new trend on TikTok where people are putting coffee in their shower heads, claiming it helps you lose weight. I mean, come on. First gelatin, now this? And somehow they're saying Taylor Swift endorses it. She doesn't, by the way.

Honestly, dating now is like a full-time job where you get paid in trauma. I tried to go on a normal date, but she just wanted to film a TikTok. Like, can we just eat the pasta before it gets cold? Is that allowed or am I cancelled?

Bro, my three-year-old cousin just unfollowed me on Instagram. I'm like, what's the problem? Apparently, I didn't share my juice box at the family reunion. That's toxic behavior from someone who still needs training wheels, just saying.

To be honest, touring is 1000% a grind. Everyone thinks it’s just glamorous travel, but you’re literally dealing with hecklers who think they’re funnier than you every single night. If you don't actually love the chaos, you’re gonna lose your mind within two weeks. It's just total madness.

It’s honestly surreal looking back at where this all started. Seeing you guys fill up these massive rooms is a dream come true. I’m bringing everything I’ve got to this next show, so grab your tickets now. Let’s make this another unforgettable full-circle moment together.

Hey everybody, Jeff Dunham here. I am backstage right now and the guys are already acting up. Walter is complaining about his seat, and Peanut is just being completely nuts. We are so excited to get out there and see all of you tonight. It is going to be a blast!

Holy shit, you guys, last night's show was fucking incredible! Had some drunk guy in the front row trying to heckle me, but I destroyed him so bad his girlfriend started crying laughing. That's what I fucking live for. Can't wait to see you all in Detroit next week!

Honestly guys, it has been way too long and it’s totally unacceptable that I haven't seen you. I’m finally hitting the road again for the biggest tour yet! Head to my website to grab tickets right now, because I can’t wait to see all your faces. Let's go!