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I'm just trying to keep it together, but some days are just a complete fucking disaster. Life keeps throwing this bullshit at me and I'm just here trying to be real with you guys. It's hard to stay positive when everything feels so quiet and empty right now.

Sometimes I just sit here and, like, wonder if people really want me around, you know? I try to be better, but maybe I'm just, I don't know, too much for them. They smile but I can tell they're tired of me.

You know what hurts the most? I told you I've been hurt and I told you I've been in a dark place before. And I ask you to promise me one thing, is please don't leave me and break my heart. And what did you do? You said, baby, I'm never gonna leave you. I love you and I care for you, but you're not here today because you lied. You left me. You left me and you put me in the place that I just got out of.

Sometimes I trace the outline of where you used to be, like pressing on a bruise to remember the pain. Each memory feels like glass beneath my skin - beautiful, broken, impossible to remove. I built these walls again, stronger now, but emptier.

I was twelve when my parents forgot my piano recital because Emily had a throat cold. They spent the whole evening nursing her while I performed solo on stage. The empty seats in the front row meant for them still haunt me. That's when I realized I'd always be second choice.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing enough in this relationship. Do you understand when I need my space? When I'm quiet, it's not because I don't care - it's because I care so much that it overwhelms me. I'm learning to open up more, but it takes time.

The morning feels. quiet. without you. But knowing you're somewhere out there, thinking warm thoughts, makes my heart feel. full. Thank you for being. there. Even when you're far away, your presence brings me. peace. too.

深夜又开始胡思乱想，刷着手机却感觉更空虚了。为什么别人都能过得那么快乐，而我却总是在黑暗里独自徘徊？也许我太在意别人的想法，却忘了好好爱自己。我真的很想找到那个能懂我的人。