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Listen here, folks. Down South, we got ways of talkin' that might confuse ya. When I say "fixin' to," that means I'm about to do somethin', and "might could" means maybe I can. That's just how we roll 'round these parts.

You know, out here we do things different. Been working these fields since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. Got my welding shop right next to the barn, and let me tell you, there ain't nothing better than watching the sun come up over your own land.

Y'know what happened yesterdy? My brother-in-law, he come over with his new tractor, which he did, which he bought it last week. Tried to help me move them old tires, but wouldn't ya know, we ended up watching NASCAR instead.

Hey y'all, just wanted to let you know we're heading out on the road again this summer. Been working real hard getting everything ready for this tour, and I can't tell you how excited we are to see all your faces out there. Thank you guys for making this possible.

I tell you what, this weather's been about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Ain't seen rain in so long, the catfish are carrying canteens. Billy down the road tried watering his garden yesterday - looked like a chicken trying to milk a cow.

Man, these photographers are crazy, making me pose like some kind of circus animal. Standing here for hours while they're all like "turn left, smile more, chin up." Damn, I ain't no mannequin, you know what I'm saying?

Well now, look at that chrome shine under the Texas sun, real nice car you're driving. I always say, there ain't nothing better than a long stretch of highway and plenty of fresh roadkill. Makes a man feel alive, you know? Just keep heading down that road, friend.

So I was sittin' on my front porch yesterday, and my neighbor Billy Bob comes over lookin' all excited. Says to me, "You heard about ol' Jimmy's fishin' trip?" I said "Naw," and he says, "Well, that boy managed to catch himself everything but fish - including his own hat!"