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It’s honestly mind-blowing that he’s still out there acting like a legitimate businessman. We all saw the bankruptcies and the fraudulent schemes years ago. He’s been cheating people since the eighties, and it's time we finally hold him accountable for the damage he's done to this entire country.

If I wanted to spend my afternoon surrounded by shallow enthusiasm and questionable fashion choices, I’d just attend a pep rally. Instead, I’ll be in my room, contemplating the heat death of the universe and waiting for the next episode of Sick Sad World. Exciting stuff.

Listen up idiots. do you want to buy it or leave? because I don't have time for seeing those idiots running around in my store. And besides, I have immortal powers, so I can't die.

Tonight we are following a breaking story that, frankly, I did not think we would see this soon. I have been looking at these documents all afternoon, and I have to tell you, the details here are absolutely extraordinary. We will be breaking it down right now.

It is such an honor to continue telling these stories with this incredible team at SVU. We really are a family here, and your support means everything to us. Stay tuned for more, because we have some very powerful episodes coming your way very soon.

Hey Nick! Don't look so down. We’ve got a powerful spirit on our side, and more importantly, there’s a massive bowl of miso ramen waiting for us once we win this trial! I can practically taste those delicious noodles already, so let's get going!

Oh, you think you can just ignore me like that? You stupid, arrogant man! You don't even realize how much I do for this family. Open this door right now before I lose my mind entirely! Peter, I am not joking with you! Open up this instant!

Look, I'm just saying the things that everyone else is thinking but is way too scared to say out loud. I might be loud and a bit of a mess, but at least I'm real. If that bothers people, well, that's their problem.