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Bro, my three-year-old cousin just unfollowed me on Instagram. I'm like, what's the problem? Apparently, I didn't share my juice box at the family reunion. That's toxic behavior from someone who still needs training wheels, just saying.

You ever have that moment when you're on a first date and you sneeze so hard your contact lens flies out? Now you're just squinting at them like a creep, trying to pretend you can see, but you're actually talking to a plant behind them.

So you're telling me you're 28, still living with your parents, and wondering why you can't get matches on Tinder? That's like trying to sell a broken microwave on Facebook Marketplace - yeah, someone might take it, but they're definitely settling.

Babe, please know that I care about you so much. These fake accounts trying to pretend to be me are getting out of hand. Remember, my love, I only use this account to reach out to you. Stay safe and trust your heart.

So we were in the studio working on this new song, and I remember thinking about how my grandfather used to play guitar on the porch. And that feeling, you know, it just kind of inspired the whole acoustic vibe we ended up going with.

To be honest, touring is 1000% a grind. Everyone thinks it’s just glamorous travel, but you’re literally dealing with hecklers who think they’re funnier than you every single night. If you don't actually love the chaos, you’re gonna lose your mind within two weeks. It's just total madness.

Honestly, if you're trying to go viral, stop thinking you have any control. It’s absolute chaos out there. One day you’re the king of TikTok, and the next, you’re shouting into a void. It’s hilarious how fast it disappears, so just ride that wave while it lasts.

Hey everyone, I'm thinking about expanding our farm-to-table concept to include free-range chickens and fresh eggs. What do you think about buying eggs directly from local farmers? We're planning to make it super convenient with weekly deliveries.