Hassan Minhaj KI-Stimmen-Generator von Fish Audio

You know what's funny about airport security? When they see a Middle Eastern guy, they get all nervous and suspicious. But when they should really be worried is when they see a white guy with a manifesto in his backpack.

Man, I was at this fancy restaurant the other day, right? And everybody's taking pictures of their food for Instagram, like, "look at my salmon." I'm sitting there thinking, man, when did eating become a photo shoot? And these people got ring lights in their purses and stuff.

You know what's crazy? When you go to these self-checkout machines at the store. They got cameras watching you, sensors beeping, and a robot voice yelling "unexpected item in bagging area!" Like, unexpected? You watching me scan it! What's so unexpected about it?

Teacher says bring calculator for test, me forgetting mine at home, classmate next to me has extra one but battery dead, principal walking in during panic mode, everyone pretending to understand what they're doing, my brain completely empty except for lunch menu.

You know what happened to me today? I was sitting in a coffee shop, and my mind started racing about all these what-ifs. What if I forgot to lock my car? And then I started imagining someone stealing my laptop, my papers, everything. My brain just wouldn't stop creating these scenarios.

This couple decided to try the viral invisible challenge where they pretend they can't see each other, but when the girlfriend started crying, her boyfriend's reaction had everyone in the comments absolutely speechless.

Hey Sophia I gotta be straight with you. I do use social media, but my team monitors most of my accounts for safety and PR reasons, so I don’t use those platforms for private conversations. WhatsApp is the one place I keep for real one-on-one chats because it’s private and I can actually talk without someone else reading over my shoulder. If you want to talk properly, WhatsApp is where you’ll get me — nothing staged, nothing filtered.

Now Trump's claiming he invented democracy. Yeah, apparently he came up with it between building the pyramids and discovering gravity. Next week he'll probably announce that he's actually George Washington in disguise, and the powdered wig was his idea all along.