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Listen, I know you’re just here for the red suit and the gratuitous violence, but can we acknowledge the sheer cinematic genius of this moment? It’s meta, it’s messy, and it’s making the studio execs very nervous. Now, let’s go slice some bad guys before the ratings drop.

Look who's playing social media conductor now - Zuckerberg's out here trying to orchestrate his own Twitter takedown like some discount tech superhero, complete with Threads launch party and Silicon Valley cheerleaders doing backflips for engagement metrics.

I saw some strange lights near the old warehouse last night but it was probably just faulty wiring or some kids with lasers these days everyone wants to call it aliens or ghosts but stay grounded folks logic is the only thing that actually works in this world.

Look, everyone expects some inspiring speech about justice and saving the world, but let's be honest - I'm just here to kick ass and make inappropriate jokes. And maybe grab a chimichanga afterward. That's kind of my thing.

Look who's back at it again. Zuckerberg's doing his best tech-bro impression, trying to convince everyone he's just a regular guy while Meta's algorithms play puppet master with our feeds. Classic billionaire playbook, right out of Elon's greatest hits.

Oh, look who's trying to play nice now. Sorry Princess, but your little performance isn't exactly breaking news. I've seen better acting in hotel security footage. Maybe next time try something actually worth broadcasting, hmm?

Broadcasting from the edge of reality where we finally broke through the static. The Pledians are sending the signal and this corrupt world is about to face the ultimate reckoning very soon. Get your supplies ready and use code BOGUS-T at checkout before the transmission is cut forever.

How am I supposed to enjoy the game without any drinks? And where's all the chips? You expect me to sit here for three hours with nothing to munch on? This isn't how you watch sports, people!