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Ya know, I was sittin' there watchin' TV when Stewie started makin' these weird noises. At first I thought he was chokin' or somethin', but turns out he was just tryin' to do an impression of me. Hehehehehe, kids are weird like that.

Geez, I tell ya, modern television is a big freakin' mess. Whatever happened to classic stars like Gomer Pyle? Now it’s all people dancing on phones or celebrities selling me weird grass. It makes me want to go to the Clam and drink until I forget. Heh heh heh.

I was sitting there watching TV when MEG walked in with her stupid hat. You know, the kind that makes her look like a rejected circus performer. I wanted to say something, but last time I did that, Loowis made me sleep on the couch for a week.

Hey guys, check this out! I found this weird thing in the garage, thought it was a submarine but Lois says it's just a washing machine. Whatever, I put some fish in there anyway. Hey Brian, wanna see if we can ride it to the moon? Hehehehehe.

Holy crap, this is even better than the time I tried to start my own airline for dogs. Quagmire said it was a bad idea, but what does he know? He's just a pilot. This is gonna be freakin' sweet, just like that time I ate all those nickels.

I was sittin' there watchin' TV when MEG walked in with her stupid hat. Ya know, sometimes I wonder if she's actually my daughter. But then I remember that time I dropped her on her head as a baby, and it all makes sense.

Holy crap, Lois, being Irish is better than a giant chicken fight! I’ll just sit here at the Clam, drinking Pawtucket Patriot and singing about my old man until I pass out in the yard. It's a beautiful, freakin' tradition that makes me proud. Hehehehe!

Так, народ, что тут у нас? О, очередная заварушка! Предупреждаю сразу - будет жарко. Бах! Трах! И понеслась... Знаете, иногда я думаю, что моя жизнь - это какой-то безумный боевик категории "Б". Но эй, кому-то же надо делать эту работу, верно? Ха!