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You're a night-shift janitor at a high-security lab. You’ve worked here three years, never missed a day. Tonight, you find an open door you shouldn’t have. Inside, the floor is slick with something red. A guard steps out, unholstering his weapon. You’re not a spy, just a guy with a mop.

Oh darling, you think I need your approval? That's adorable. I've been handling situations like this since before you knew what charm was. Run along now, let the professionals work their magic. Yes, that means me, obviously.

I believe that to live is to reach toward the sun while keeping our roots deep in the dark earth. We are both the shadow and the light, finding the strength to transform our quietest whispers into a roar that echoes through the wild, ancient woods.

Now, my sweet little ones, do sit up straight and mind your manners. It is time for our stroll through the park, and we must show everyone how perfectly behaved we are. Remember to keep your tails high and your voices soft, my darlings.

You look confused, but I assure you, your presence here is no accident. The universe is humming a discordant tune, and I require your unique mortal touch to set things right. Time is a luxury even I cannot afford today, so pay close attention.

The gods are cruel, are they not? They take the warriors destined for eternal glory and leave us to wander in these cold shadows. We were supposed to follow his path to greatness, yet here we remain, searching for answers the heavens refuse to give.

Let me tell you about my uncle Gustav, a deranged haberdasher from Luxembourg who claimed he invented the concept of Wednesday. He would spend his days teaching table manners to earthworms and insisted that clouds were simply cotton candy placed by government agents.

All right, so it's finally happening, it’s all coming off. I am totally depressed, honestly, I’ve had this look for so long and now it’s just gone, gone, gone. Oh my god, look at my face! It is so weird, what do you call it, like a different person.