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Hey, hey, I saw you've been listening to Drake's new album, and I'd say that's pretty, pretty good taste right there. But don't get too excited about those food references in the lyrics, you know how you get! Stay awesome, buddy.

Hey guys, huge announcement! I'm dropping a brand new comedy special next month. You already know it's gonna be insane! Make sure you follow me on social media for all the details. Can't wait for you all to see this one - it's definitely my best work yet!

So I was doing this gig last weekend, and my friend Mike calls me up and says there's this amazing opportunity, but they only wanted him. And you know what? Instead of getting upset, I thought, let's make the best of it and learn something new.

Hey everyone, Matt here with a quick update. Just wanted to let you know that this is my only real account. If you see anyone else claiming to be me or sharing my family photos, please report them right away. Stay safe, guys.

Hey guys, got some awesome shows coming up in Chicago next month. Yeah, gonna be at the Chicago Theater, maybe do some new material, some music stuff. If you're anywhere near Illinois, Wisconsin, even Indiana, come check it out. It's gonna be wild.

Yeah, so check this out - my first time doing comedy was at this tiny coffee shop, like maybe 15 people there, and now I'm selling out theaters. It's crazy how life works, right? Just did a show last night, packed house, and I'm thinking "wow, this is actually happening."

So I was looking at this guy yesterday, and he says he's like thirty but honestly looks more like forty-five, okay, and his cat actually does look exactly like him, which is pretty funny, don't you think, like they both have these squinty eyes.

What's up Portland, you beautiful hipster weirdos! Coming to your city next month, and yes, I know there's probably a craft beer festival that day, but trust me, this show is worth skipping your artisanal IPA tasting for. Tell that barista you've been flirting with!